Former Hull FC prop Kane Evans has come out as gay and revealed a 20-year internal battle regarding his sexuality.
Evans, 34, is just the second former or current NRL player to come out as gay after Ian Roberts did so more than 30 years ago.
The front-row forward played over 150 NRL games for the Sydney Roosters, Parramatta Eels, and New Zealand Warriors before moving to Hull FC.
Speaking on 100% Footy on Australia's , Evans explained he had been denying his sexuality since he was a teenager and it proved so difficult he battled addiction issues while planning to end his own life.
"I had three goals in life: to play NRL, to buy my parents a house, and then I wanted to top myself, because I was living in denial from a young age," said Evans, who celebrated more than four months of being sober in May.
"I know that I'm gay, but I went down every other avenue to sort of build up these walls. To be someone, to escape who I am.
"I still can't believe that I'm here talking to you. This is definitely my worst nightmare. But I know if I surrender, it's just going to be a start to a new life.
"I've been fighting a war within since I was about 15 years old and it's not sustainable.
"But I know that there are people who are struggling with the same struggle that I've gone through. So I'm very blessed that I can come here and talk to you and be able to save a life or two."
Evans said he has had to deal with people who knew about his sexuality and were looking to "blackmail" or "out" him, before the Rugby League Players Association helped get him into rehab. He credited fellow player Joe Galuvao for helping him, along with his former Roosters coach Trent Robinson.
He added: "I've carried it around my whole life. I'm here today to show people that you don't have to live like that. Even now I feel a bit more free; just by saying it out loud, I've brought it to the light.
"I've had people blackmail me. I've had people try to throw me under the bus; I've had people try to deflect their problems by trying to out me. And it just built up a lot of shame and fear and guilt within myself.
"Now I've spoken about it, I've shattered all those chains. They've lost their power. I feel like coming and speaking to you today... fear, shame, guilt - all of that. I've cut ties with all that.
"I feel peace within, and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I'm a bit proud of myself and when I look in the mirror, I'm going to smile now, not have those bad thoughts."
If you are affected by these issues or want to talk, please contact the Samaritans on the free helpline 116 123, or visit the website
